


13x01 Coda: Family

by Piper_Halliwell1979



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anxiety, Coda, Depressed Dean Winchester, Grief/Mourning, Marijuana, Panic Attacks, Season/Series 13, Step-parents, Underage Drinking, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-14
Updated: 2017-10-14
Packaged: 2019-01-17 01:47:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12354897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Piper_Halliwell1979/pseuds/Piper_Halliwell1979
Summary: Dean can't handle being in the bunker without Cas. After a phone call from Jody he realizes he needs to find Claire to tell her in person. He also needs to be with the girl he considers a daughter so they can share the grief.





	13x01 Coda: Family

When they got back to the bunker they had to put Jack somewhere. Sam thought he might want Castiel’s room, to sort of be close to the father he lost. Dean slammed the door shut and actually growled at them like a territorial dog.

 

“No!”

 

“Dean…” Sam attempted.

 

“No. Not this one.” Dean walked two doors down to his own room. He put on his headphones and crawled into bed. After two songs he decided that wouldn’t work either.

 

He found Sam in the library. “Find us a case. I gotta...I can’t be here right now. Anything. Haunted slushee machine at a 7-11...anything.” Dean’s voice broke.

 

“Dean, I just sat down. I can’t find you something in ten minutes.”

 

“Fine. I’m going out. Just  _ outside. _ Don’t give me that look. I need some air.” He stormed past Jack and up the stairs.

 

The bunker was suffocating him. He knew he was on the verge of a massive panic attack. He’d only let out some of it out on the sign and then that angel bitch who called him a Becky. He wanted to hit someone, make someone hurt as bad as him.  _ I just went Steel Magnolias. Goddamnit.  _

 

He went up to the roof. He had a couple bottles stashed up there, the good stuff. Stuff he sipped slowly from a crystal glass as he watched the stars and unwound. No. Getting drunk would make it worse. He was low enough. He needed to get high.

 

Dean had a little stash up there, too. He fished the metal box out of its hiding spot. He tapped and blew the pipe to clear it out then packed some fresh herb in it. He took a long pull and held it.  _ Yeah...already creeping. _

 

He teased his little brother about his baby step on the wild side. Truth is, maybe he should share this tidbit with Sam. Maybe pass the pipe and take the edge off for him as well. Sam was putting on a brave front for his sake. He lost a mom and a brother.

 

He started to feel the knots in his stomach loosen, even if the weight on his chest was still there. His phone rang.  _ Fuck. Jody calling back. _

 

“Jodes.”

 

_ “Sorry I missed your call. I was in just south of nowhere hunting a lone werewolf and didn’t have a signal.” _

 

“Yeah, uh...figured the problem out on our own. We were gonna ask for an APB but we found him.”

 

_ “Him? You had a runner?” _

 

“Lucifer’s son. He popped out, hit puberty, whammied us, and took off butt naked. Local sheriff picked him up.”

 

_ “Holy shit! What happened?” _

 

Fighting back tears, he recapped the shit show the past forty-eight hours had been. He kept smoking to quell his nerves. “Is Claire with you?”

 

_ “No, honey. Oh god. What am I supposed say to her?” _

 

“Just tell me where she is. I’ll go tell her in person.”

 

_ “Dean, I don’t think that’s such a good idea…” _

 

“She’s my daughter!” Dean barked without thinking.

 

Jody was quiet for a few seconds. He could hear her sighing.  _ “I know. She calls you Dad in this sarcastic tone...well, her normal tone. You really stepped up for her when she needed you. I won’t assume what your relationship with Cas is...was. But, without him, you’re a single parent.” _

 

“Fuck, Jody. I’m being an insensitive dick. You’re a single mom and you lost your h-husband and kid. I’m sorry.”

 

_ “Dean, it’s okay. I got through it. You will, too. It’s hard. I’m not gonna lie. I lost my whole world in a day. You...well I may be the only person who knows exactly how you feel right now.” _

 

“I can’t breathe here, Jodes. I need to get out. I need to be with Claire right now. She’s...she’s all I got left of him. And I’m all she’s got left of him.”

 

_ “I understand, hon. She’s uh...she’s...fuck. I’ll forward you the text when I find it. Listen, after you see her, why don’t you both come here for a few days? Cas was never here. Maybe you can get some rest.” _

 

“Thanks. I probably will do that. I can’t...I can’t be two doors down from a room he’s never coming home to.”

 

_ “Hey...I love you, Dean. You call me any time. We’ll stay up and watch the same rom-com together on Netflix and drink wine.” _

 

“Uh...me too, Jody. Sounds good.”

 

As soon as he got the text he went back down to pack fresh clothes. Sam was in his face in no time.

 

“What the hell are you doing? Running away?”

 

“Going to see Claire and gonna hang out with Jody for a few days. You seem to have a handle on the kid.”

 

Sam looked him over. “Dean? Are you high? What did you take? You can’t leave like this.” Sam took his bag and threw it on the floor.

 

“I smoked a little weed to even myself out. I’m better to drive now than I was twelve hours ago. I’m going to Milwaukee then Sioux Falls.”

 

“Just...I’d feel better if you came down, took a nap.”

 

“Fine. I’ll wait a couple hours. Now fuck off. Sharing time’s over.”

 

***

 

He didn’t sleep. All he could think about was how his list of living loved ones was in the low single digits. Dean didn’t even bother telling Sam when he left.

 

Open road, no hellspawn in his rearview and no sullen moose beside him. Alone. Just like so called God intended. Pick ‘em off one, two, three at a time until he had nobody left. Claire better still be alive when he gets there.

 

He sent her a text when he was close. She gave him a little shit about checking up on her but told him where she’d be. He got a motel room near hers and waited.

 

“Hey, Dean. Where’s the big guy?”

 

“Pull up a chair, kiddo.” Dean offered her a beer.

 

“Whoa. You never let me drink. What the fuck is going on?”

 

“Things went south, Claire.”

 

“Oh my god! Is it Sam?”

 

“Sam’s fine. He’s uh...babysitting. It’s Cas. He...he didn’t make it.”

 

If looks could kill Dean would have been bled out on the floor. “Don’t you dare! Cas comes back. He  _ always _ comes back.” Tears glistened in her eyes.

 

“Come here, kid.” Dean scooped her into a hug. He held her as realization broke through her wall. She just lost her father again.

 

“How?” She sobbed into his shoulder.

 

“Lucifer himself.”

 

“Did you get him?”

 

“My mom went after him and they went into a portal. He probably got her, too, as soon as they crossed over.”

 

“I’m sorry, Dean.”

 

“Shh...I got you. You still got me.” He stroked her hair. 

 

“So now what? We’re both orphans.”

 

Dean pulled back to look down into her eyes. “You’re not an orphan, Claire. You got a great mom in Jody. You got a sister. You got an Uncle Sammy. You got  _ me _ . I’m not gonna stop being your dad because Cas is...gone.”

 

“You wanna be my dad?”

 

“Thought you knew that. I’ve felt like you were mine too for a long time.” The lines in his forehead creased. Dean thought his heart might break all over again.

 

“Dean...I know we’re family. I just...I didn’t know you wanted me like that. Nobody ever  _ wanted _ me. My dad left me to go save the world. My mom left me to go find my dad. Alex left for college. You and Sam show up and leave again…”

 

“Claire, listen to me. You went off to hunt on your own, to find yourself. Nobody ever gave me the chance to find myself. I’m  _ proud _ of you. I was gonna ask you to come stay at the bunker with us after I almost lost you. It killed me to see you drive away but that’s what kids do. They grow up and leave.”

 

Claire pulled him close and nestled into him. She wasn’t much of a hugger but she felt safety and comfort with Dean’s arms around her. Somebody  _ chose _ her and wasn’t letting go. “I can bring some stuff to leave at your place. If I’m in the area, you know?”

 

“Sounds good to me. Now, tell me about your hunt.”

 

It felt good. Well, close enough to good to count for something. Him and his daughter just knocking back a couple beers and talking shop to keep their minds off the pain. Just like the old days when it was him and John taking on a side job to keep from talking about Sam being gone and the leads drying up on the yellow eyed demon.

 

“Dean?” Claire interrupted his train of thought.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Did you love him?”

 

Dean ground his jaw. “I did.” It took all his resolve to keep from breaking down.

 

Claire looked up at him with the same piercing blue eyes her father did. “I did, too.” She twisted the cap off her third beer. “To Cas.”

  
“To Cas,” Dean choked out.


End file.
